STEP 3
Made a DECISION to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a decision..did I really??? After many years of hearing and reading that it starting to hit me tonight (after hearing again TWICE more for the umteenth time!!), that MAYBE EVEN THAT DECISION WASN'T MY WILL!!!! Maybe that "DECISION" that I made back then WAS God's!!
I've heard a ton of sharing over the past 14 years on how others have come to this EARTHQUAKING decision making, mind changing conclusion, to allow God to walk out the rest of their lives with or for them or both. I myself have shared in meetings how I gave my life over when I had that spiritual epiphany in my bathroom way back when, with my husband present. But nothing has hit me more clearer tonight than how maybe it really wasn't ME back then who made the decision to turn my life over but GOD being present with me, His Holy Presence being WITH me in the depths of my depraved soul, spiritually, emotionally and even physically. He was there even then to say 'IT'S TIME' and He was who helped me reach that decision to turn my empty life around to the fullness that it is today!!
Another thing that tells me that this probably wasn't me even way back then who made "THE DECISION" but God, is that when I hear those among my peer group share. Those who are new or recents or revolvers or those who can't quite seem to ever keep it together for any length of time. These women are my EVER PRESENT reminder that the decision, whereas it may appear to LOOK LIKE mine on the outside, like I'm REALLY cool like that. Making the decision to just say NO! BUT let's just be real here.. I'm not THAT STUPID, God really is in charge!! Is and always has been! My decision to turn my life over to His care came at the right time. I was DONE with a capital D.O.N.E.!! Hearing how women still are struggling today and how others are just scrapping by coming in freshly recovering from the damage of the streets, I get soooooo grateful and humbled. I want to break into small fragments of wafers or something loving and ensconce myself into one of my hurting sisters to absorb their pain. I want to do it so much because I've been in that hurt sucky place before and I made it out by the skin of my teeth. It was horrible how I made it out, I cried to God alot. I gave Him MY will a lot. I didn't have to but I did.
And see there's another thing... WILL. A whole nother thing than decision making. Will is the ACTION word here. Will requires me to do what I say I'm going to do or NOT DO what I say I'm NOT GOING to do. To date, for the close to 14 years now I've said regularly that I would not smoke crack anymore nor would I allow alcohol to cross my lips again. And for this many years I've been able to do this ONLY by my willingness (action NOT to do) to keep it that way. And know this, somedays that wasn't easy!! Somedays it STILL isn't easy but sure is a lot better than what it used to be because now I've got more God in me and I know more about myself and that makes all the difference.
This is just my opinion and this is just me, but I don't think of myself all that super great anymore. I did up until a few minutes ago (not to worry though, THAT won't last long either, I got a BIG EGO!) (NOT!!), but now I don't!! I'm a puppet for my Father!! Not that that's a bad thing, I probably could've phrased that better. But what I'm trying to convey is that the Lord has loved me so long, even when I wasn't thinking He was and we were just getting acquainted. He was really there the whole time and even before I recognized He was there.... He'd already been there... watching.... waiting...... and He was the one who couldn't take anymore and He made MY decision!!!
I just followed along with the Master's Plan..........................................
I guess I'm going to keep on following...........................................
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing......John 15:5I rest my case!!
